I Can't Turn Back the Clock

I am suffering from guilt. For those of you that read I was frantically looking for the mini-DV with Mark's birth on it, rest assure -- it was found!

The other day Mark was interested in seeing home movies. I grabbed our not-so-organized stack of DVs in our computer desk's cabinet and started one up. All I did was open up a can of worms! I ended up playing each one to finally label and put them in a basket. Let me also admit that these videos were from 2003. I know! If any major disaster happened yesterday, I missed it.

To watch Matt turn three and witness my pregnant belly holding Mark was special. But as I also watched it hit me that we had much more of Matt's life than Mark's. I started to feel, well, bad.

Honestly, there are some areas of Mark's first year I would like to forget. Maybe it was this or this. Or quite possibly I was preoccupied with this. Like I posted in My Purpose, this specific time in my life was rough and maybe I just wanted to bury it. But now I am regretting I didn't capture enough. Even though that time seemed low and hopeless, I can still grab certain moments that filled me with happiness and contentment.

So I will work through these feelings and know I can grab our digital video camera and make new memories last.